Every year, our family goes camping. Sounds fun right? It can be, but if your not careful it can turn into a hot mess, fast.
First off it usually takes around two hours to get there. That’s two hours locked in a car, with two excited little crazy people! You know what they say; pent up excitement, breeds irritation.
OK maybe it’s me, that says that.
It wont be long before they are ready to kill each other, and you’re only twenty minutes in.
My number one rule is always, ALWAYS, make sure everyone has used the bathroom before leaving. A no brainer right? Of course in the midst of packing everything up, my number one rule gets lost in the shuffle.
My kids are what I like to call, public restroom connoisseur’s. They love a good public restroom (or any public restroom for that matter). It’s like they intentionally hold their little bladders until just that right moment, when you’re in the middle of nowhere, not a restroom in sight.
So of course good old GPS, takes us thirty minutes in the wrong direction, to find the nearest restroom, and we end up in one that looks like a wet shaggy dog shook itself off in it.
As you delve further into the abyss of piss, (while simultaneously trying to not touch anything) you notice a lovely note on the wall from a nice girl name Sadie, who’s looking for love in all the wrong places.
Not to mention you spent weeks preparing, only to find out once you get there, you forgot the bug spray.
Heaven forbid, you have to stay out there for four days with no OFF! I did this one year, by the end of the trip my girls and I looked like the elephant man’s wife and kids. It wasn’t pretty.
Then comes the fun part: setting up.
Now if you’re lucky, you get the tent that someone who knew what they were doing put away. If not, lord help you. You will end up spending the next three hours trying figure out why there’s no door, only to realize you were missing the pole that holds up the door to begin with.
Of course by the time you’re done setting up, the kids are all ready to go swimming!
Everyone loves swimming right? Except you’re in the mountains, and the water is freshly melted snow water, that’s 30 below.
Finally when your kids lips are pleasantly purple, with hands and feet that look like they’re ready to fall off, its lunchtime!
Who doesn’t love lunch? I don’t know about you, but by this time I’m ready for everyone to shut the hell up, and go the fuck to sleep. A nap is the only thing on my mind, in this heat.
I don’t want to grill hot dogs, and hamburgers, or wait on little people. Of course, they are little people, so you’re kinda forced to make lunch.
Guess who gets to sit in the shade for a few and relax? Not you, because you have little people who need entertaining. Its time for a walk, some kickball, and who can forget sand castles?
Just when you think it’s finally time to take a load off, (hey you’ve earned it right?) it’s dinner time! If you’re lucky like I am, this is where the hubbs really shines. He’s a barbeque master! He masters that barbeque.
Once all the dishes are done, (because who wants unexpected visitors in the middle of the night) you finally get a little me time.
Wait. What’s that Lassie? The little’s want to go on a hunt for wood, to build a fire?
Of course if they want a fire, they’re probably going to want to make s’mores. Of course if they want s’mores, you can’t go relax because their going to be near fire.
Fire is bad.
We like to take a stick and draw a huge circle around it. No one is to cross that line. EVER.
This goes on for four days and three nights.
Don’t get me wrong, the memories we make with our children, will last a life time. Each year my children get a little bit bigger, which makes things a little easier. The best part is, once a year we get four days off the grid together, without distraction. Mostly…
I must be a glutton for punishment, because I’m already excited for our annual camping trip next week. Time to go finish packing!